11 Characters You are dating a narcissist


Yes, you know what the word "narcissist" means. The matter is, if you think, it's just a guy who exclusively talks about his trust fund and never asks you any questions on a date, you may miss the narcissist just in front of you.

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Visas, not all narcissists are inadequately eligible rich boys in stockings loafers. Many may seem like waking feminists who will drink in every word you say more than anyone else ever has … until they make 180 ° and call you a tick in the midst of a small battle. Yep! Dating and narcissist and Unpacking his or her behavior may feel extremely harmful and exhausting – this is a handy list of 11 characters you need to proceed on:


1. They did everything to win you over … at the beginning.

If you are deeply confused about how someone who used to write you nonstop and told them they loved you by date two suddenly seems rude and distant, that could be your first sign.

"Narcissists are masters of love bombing, where they make a potential partner feel as special as they can," says Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., chairman and professor of advisory and advisory education at Northern Illinois University.

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And narcissists may be better off to invite you than anyone who actually loves you because they are motivated by winning you instead of getting to know you. What may seem like the most romantic gestures or thoughtful gifts can simply be that they are studying you to know exactly how to be the "perfect" partner for you.

"Narcissists are skilled at winning love from their goals early, but they have trouble maintaining long-term relationships," says Degges-White.

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2. They are very selfish when they can get away with it.

When you are over a honeymoon in the relationship or simply around other people, a narcissist will be the most accommodating, attentive partner. But when no one is keen to see (which along the line contains you), they will be very open to meeting their needs above you.

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"Narcissists see people as objects and often leave their romantic partners feeling more like an accessory than a living, breathing, emotional," says Degges-White. She notes that a good sign to look up is their motivation to buy you gifts-do they do it out of nowhere, for no reason other than making you smile? Or do they just rinse on special occasions or bath with flowers after screaming at you during a fight?

The first is a sign of a genuinely caring partner who enjoys you. The latter is someone who buys your affection so you will stay even when they are a total nightmare to be around.


3. They care more about your image as a couple than the relationship itself.

An addict self-inflicted pressure to be error-free does not end with them – when you are his or her partner, you are required to fulfill the insta perfect ideal of the power couple he or she wants to be.

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"Narcissists do not focus on growth in a relationship."

"When a narcissist feels losing his face in public, it creates much inner distress because they can not tolerate failure, and general humiliation is the worst type of failure [ to them], says Degges-White. She adds that their ego is very delicate, so any perceived "attack" on their reputation makes them furious.

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For example, say you come into a small, quiet argument while you're out for dinner. Instead of dealing with the conflict, a narcissist becomes angry that you "embarrass them" in front of people they will never see again. What started when asked them to please text when they ran late will be a huge battle at home because you "destroyed all night" by bringing it up publicly.

"Narcissists do not focus on growth in a relationship because their own self-assessment confirms that they have already been developed significantly and implemented," says Degges-White. They will always give priority to looking like a picturesque couple to really deal with your needs .


4. They are constantly nitpicking everything you do.

When you first met you they loved everything about you. Now the same things – the sound of your laughter, your love for wearing Doc Martens, your love for bad reality TV – is a problem.

"Narcissists tend to keep a certain picture of what they want their partner to be and they do not" challenge you "to grow, they are trying to force your growth," says Degges-White. "What they really are trying to do is check your behaviors and your choices. "

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A warning sign: Your partner is convinced that his or her view of how to behave is 1000 percent right. Another thing to look for is if they always criticize how to behave around friends – you did a joke that did not land or accidentally cut someone off and you are a horrible selfish person because of it.

Degges-White also notes that someone who actually cares about you checks with you that you are on the same page about things you want to improve and work on (which is important in a relationship). They calmly discuss how they feel and reach a compromise with you instead of telling you not to fall in line.


5. It is literally impossible to argue with them.

The reason for the battle with narcissists is so volatile and deeply confusing is actually very simple: they are never wrong.

Degges-White says that while a narcissist can agree with your complaints in the dating phase of the relationship, it is always on time. "Irregularities and arguments are often very wrinkled – their partners prosecute them to see things from another perspective, but narcissists can not achieve an achievement at this level of emotional maturity."

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This is simply because narcissists think they are ready to grow and their version of the truth is ultimate and unrealistic. You can get screenshots of what they said to you earlier and they still find a way to say that it's not reality or what they meant.

Degges-White says narcissists are more likely to threaten eruptions or give hard ultimatum if you refuse to acknowledge and apologize, even if you have serious doubts about being wrong at all. It's the ultimate form of gas light, and it's always happening with them.


6. They are masters that you think ~ you are ~ the dramatic.

As if explosive fights were not bad enough, narcissists also have the ability to convince you that you're actually the drama queen who starts the whole conflict all the time.

"Narcissists are manipulators who have no difficulty in turning a partner's words or actions in a way that would make the partner feel guilty or famous about things they have no reason to feel bad about," says Degges-White.

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Just by raising a question, "blows it all up again." By setting your ground and explaining your perspective, you are "stubborn" or "angry" or "crazy" or "selfish". They never make them the ones who refuse to compromise in any form and pull out fights because they can not handle ever being wrong.


7. They are repeatedly dirty to their friends and are not close.

Narcissists do not really have friends as much as collectibles. They use their charm to form a lot of surface level lovers but do no work to keep them, according to Degges-White.

"Being in an authentic relationship requires that a person can keep his guard," she says. "Narcissists are afraid to be seen as human as it would crack the open image as they try to project as" super human. "

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A narcissist will throw people without explanation and expect that they are constantly reaching out to hang out. They will never be there for a friend if it botheres them and does not make them so beneficial or kind. And of course, it is delicious in their romantic relationships.


8. They have a list of "crazy exes".

Now it is quite common that if a guy calls his exes crazy, he is the one with the problem. And maybe "crazy" is not used as much as "difficult", "had trouble", "loved drama" when describing all of its previous partners.

Narcissists want to be perceived as victims in all their relationships.

"Narcissists who are particularly good at gaining practice and praise for others will probably also have many broken relationships," says Degges-White. Feeling self-obsessed with your image is not exactly the basis for a healthy relationship.

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But she also says narcissists want to be perceived as the victim in all their relationships, embodies their great qualities while resting their exes to achieve that image. Anytime a narcissist's first comment on past relationships is what ex did wrong with what they both may have struggled with is a good sign as they have not learned anything.


9. They are suddenly really sweet again the moment you show a clue of independence.

Narcissists are often called emotional vampires for good reason: they need your constant attention and affection to feel good (but ironically, treat yourself as junk when they get their corrections).

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So of course, when you go out with your friends more or spend time on your own (very common things), they panic. "If you try to claim space for yourself, the narcissist may feel that you are trying to remove some of your own identity," says Degges-White. "When you're back, they'll try so much harder to roll you back in their lives . "

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In order to regain their self-esteem, narcissists can begin to shower with gifts or simply be warmer and affectionate when you come home late. And little things like forgetting to wear the necklace that they bought you can trigger this (or just another big match).


10. They turn out when they realize they are interchangeable.

Eventually, you will probably be deterred by a narcissist's strenuous behavior and begin to feel emotionally gone for real. And then they get angry.

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According to Degges-White, when they feel they lose you too well, they can do anything to flirt or cheat with someone to make you jealous, to threaten to leave first so that they do not lose their face.

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Their actions are worrying because your only value was to be an accessory, and now you may not be, bye. For them, it's better to be a straight ass and break your heart over being the one left first because it gives them the sense of control that they simply can not live without.


11. Dating them makes you feel worse about yourself.

Based on everything on this list you can probably guess that a narcissist will not make you feel comfortable over time. The repeated criticism of the smallest problems, gas lights in arguments and inability to ever acknowledge errors inevitably increases emotional toll on someone who is empathetic and in the relationship of trying to make it work.

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"You can begin to accept that you are less than your partner and begin to reduce yourself and accept criticism that deserves, whether it is or not, says Degges-White. This creates a cool relationship:" The relationship can be something like a yoyo-you try to get some distance, but sucked directly into the old patterns, "she adds.

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The only way you break the bike is when the narcissist leaves you out of sadness or anger, or you discover these signs and leave from there (and possibly seeking therapy to heal of emotional harm). If you read this list and something in your bowel just dropped, you know you deserve better and do not have to stay here. There is a lot of love out there for you, but it will never come from this person.

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