Gender should be fun, but it can also be complicated. Welcome to Sexual resolution, a biweekly column of sex therapist Vanessa Marin answers your most confidential questions to help you achieve a healthy and happy sex life. Here she answers a reader who loves to receive girlfriends from her boyfriend, but feels in conflict with sending her own naked. Do you have your own question? Ask this.
Dear Vanessa: I really like to get cock pictures from my boyfriend, and I ask him to send them to me often. But the problem is that I do not want to return. I know it's hypocritical, but I'm afraid if the pictures somehow leak out. I do not get much activated by taking them. My boyfriend has commented that he would like me to send some to him in return, but he has not pushed the question. I feel guilty, but not obliged to send my dirty pictures. Is this ok? – Dick Pic Aficionado, 23
Dear DPA: Mutuality is an important quality in a relationship. You want a balance in how much you and your partner contribute to your relationship, including to your sex life. But reciprocity does not necessarily mean doing the same things to each other. Lots of people like to receive things that they do not like giving, or giving things that they do not like to receive. It is up to you and your boyfriend to decide what feels right for you.
If he likes to send cock pictures and you like to receive them, it's okay. You just want to make sure that you help keep things sexy in your relationship in other ways. Keeping your sex life exciting and interesting takes a lot of effort, and you and your boyfriend should share that effort together.
Keep in mind that you can not always feel comfortable putting the effort into your sex life, why communication about your personal boundaries is important. If you have not already recommended, I spend some time thinking of your specific objections to taking sexy pictures.
Is there something that feels like a hard border for you? Or are there any wiggle rooms? Can you be open to taking some sexy pictures under certain circumstances were in place, like knowing that would mean a lot for your boyfriend, or if you had more control over the privacy aspect? (More about this below.)
It sounds like you're not completely sure how your partner feels about you with a few nudes. You mention that he has said that he would like you to send someone in return but have not expressed any strong opinions. It may be that he does not care so much about sending pictures, or maybe he just tries to be respectful and not pushing you. The only person who can answer that question is your boyfriend so it's worth talking to him directly.
If you take sexy pictures is a tough boundary for you, that's okay – you'll have to draw that line. You can ask him if there is anything else he wants you to do or otherwise that you can help keep your sex life exciting.
If your boyfriend really would like to receive some sexy pictures from you and you do not have a hard border around it, it might be worth getting some of your comfort zone. If you are worried about the security aspect, there are many ways to make the process safer.