Therapy gave me the emotional safe place I never had in my marriage.
I really didn't realize that it was important until my son was diagnosed with ASD and I wait almost a week to completely break down. I did it in my therapist's arms.
I couldn't do it at home. My feelings were not safe.
I wrote this a few months after KinderBae (mine now seven years old) was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder …
But what I didn't say was …
The day he was diagnosed, the wind was knocked out of me.
Before I could treat or cheat it was already a Facebook post made by my ex-husband. There were many times that he would bypass social media instead of talking to me directly.
In this record he was relieved with the result.
His Facebook post blindsided me.
I was also bombed with questions that I was not prepared for or even answered.
He said he knew.
"Why wouldn't you support me then?" Did I ask.
If you knew why you made me the evaluation alone, I asked but I don't even remember his answer. Nor was it the first medical evaluation that I had gone alone for the developmental delays of our oldest son.
I was in shock and alone in my grief.
For a whole week I lost all my feelings until I could get to my therapist's office.
I did not feel sure to express them at home.
Before she could close the door behind me, I bawled …
I cried, "I didn't know, I didn't know" "Why didn't I know?"
She kept me as a mother holding her baby and let me cry in her arms.
She tried to prepare me for weeks. She said, "He (referring to my husband at the time) must go with you."
"Don't go yourself."
I asked, "Will you join me?"
"Please go with me." I prayed
I even addressed "My therapist says you have to go with me."
"No, I'll stay home with ToddlerBae (our youngest son)."
"But you don't have to. We can drop him in the nursery."
He said something about money because he didn't work.
He would not budge so again I went to Marcus Autism Center for KinderBae evaluation, alone.
When it was over, he called me …
But this was one of the many moments I knew that my marriage was over.