Predictions for Hannah B. Season by "The Bachelorette"


Hannah B. season off Single girl is officially underway, and I'm really pumped. Alabama Hannah is one of my favorite battles yet. Her inconvenience is hilarious but still relative. She literally says the phrase "Holy Ham!" Who says that?! I just love her, and I'm sure we're in for a very entertaining season.

I don't know about you, but when I'm really excited about a Bach season (which, TBH, doesn't happen every time), I try very hard to avoid spoilers. I really want to be too emotionally invested in this story, and I won't get any blog to be like "welp, this man wins." But that does not mean that I will not try to predict every single thing that will happen. Here's exactly how I think this season will play out.

Jean Paul Jones is the plain girl.

You know how there is always only one competitor that the producers make for comic relief? Last season, Sloth Girl had. Before there was Shark / Dolphin Girl. Fortunately, there were no mascot costumes this section, but I think Jean Paul Jones is that person this season. I mean … his job title is literally Jean Paul Jones. How are we going to take him seriously? I will be shocked if he lasts more than two or three episodes.

Mike will make us all cry …

… but that in a nice way! Tears of joy! Mike and Hannah are so smiley and adorable together. Every conversation they know is something from a Hallmark movie. Normally this would annoy me, but it already feels authentic. I approve.

MIKE, HANNAH BROWN

abc

The garret will start a little shit.

I just have the feeling that Garret is the group's drama queen. He definitely complained most about the fact that some of the guys didn't get enough time with Hannah because of the whole Scott debate, and he only gives off small swings. I don't think it will be any of the serious drama we saw in teaser … but I bet that it will suffice to annoy everyone and that Hannah will send home at home early.

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This is not the last thing we will see from Jed's guitar.

I mean, every party has a guy with an acoustic guitar song "Wonderwall", right? At night, Jed became that guy. The worst part is … Hannah is so into it!

Luke will do something nice.

Yes, teaser showed frontrunner Luke defend himself … but I have a feeling that the situation will not be as explosive as it looks. It almost seems like it was a working challenge or something? Who knows Single girl. But I think it is a little desire that he seems to know exactly how to play this game. Maybe I'm just cynical, but the other he heard that Hannah sent Scott home, he used it as an opportunity to slip in and get Other one on one. I watch you, Luke.

We will hear so many bad jokes.

Remember when Colton's season was basically just a long, awkward joke about his innocence? It was the worst! To be fair, it makes sense that people should get the lowest hanging fruit and make the most obvious joke just to have something to say to a person who is otherwise a complete stranger … but as a viewer it gets old quickly. Here are some lama jokes that I bet will be made all season:

  • "Roller Water!"
  • Something related to side print, including but not limited to crowns, frames, and calls Hannah a beauty queen.
  • Everyone pretends to be surprised every time Hannah (or probably someone else) makes a successful toast.

    HANNAH BROWN, CONNOR J.

    abc

    Here is hoping season 15 meets the ridiculously high expectations I have. Side note: I really hope we somehow see justice for Matt McDonald. He seemed like the cutest guy ever!